“Now the word of the LORD came to me saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Then I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy.” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)
Right now I am taking satisfaction in small accomplishments; navigating on my computer and iPhone, making meals, being able to eat, working a full day. If I was in Jeremiah’s shoes, right now, I would quake and bewail . . . . not that “I am only a boy” but that I am weak and shaky! I can’t do what is expected of me! In fact, I have felt that way quite often over the last few weeks. But somewhere, somehow, I have found the strength and reserves to do what needed to be done.
“But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a boy’; for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you, Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD.” (Verses 6 – 8)
Just this evening, when I was having radiation treatment (I confess, beloved reader, now that I have told you what I am going through it seems more tempting to use my current experiences as analogies/allegories/metaphors) I felt like I just could not do it. I could not face another treatment that I knew would advance the awful side effects I am having. Even if it meant curing the cancer.
“Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth; and the LORD said to me, “Now I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.” (Verses 9 – 10)
And in those moments I just ready to breakdown and cry out that I just can’t do this anymore! But something steadied me. And assured me. Made me feel that I could get through this moment, and the moments to come. I am comforting my the fact, and given hope, that when you read this I will only have only seven more treatments left! Then I can start healing and recovering!
Now I know I have not been appointed “over nations and over kingdoms.” Neither will I be able “to pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow”. My area of influence is actually pretty small and limited in terms of time, space, and geography. Even if items and posting on the internet are supposed to be around forever, if they are not seen and read over space and time – well, their influence is pretty small. And that is okay. Some time back I decided I did not want to reach a large audience. I actually walked away (more like moved my blog away) from a large readership base. The reason is that I made the move was because I did not feel I was building and planting. Out of verse 9 to 10 that is the only thing I feel I can do, and want to do. And if I can plant hope and faith in just one life, and be a part of the building up of one person’s faith life, then I have accomplished all that I have set out to do. I do this because long ago – oh so long ago – I felt the Lord’s hand come to rest on me. And it has been there ever since! Selah!